Bye Bye Baby
Alex Steinman
While waiting patiently (ok not patiently at all) for number two to arrive, I suddenly felt a separation from my first. Essentially couch ridden due to hip and back pain, my sweet little boy stopped asking me to play with him because he knew I couldn't. I was relegated to book duty, which isn't a bad deal unless your kid's favorite book is "Love You Forever," where the mom dies in the end....
He's learning something new everyday, and it was hard for me not to actively participate in his discoveries. The closer I got to having the new baby, the further away he got from being one. His language is getting more coherent and his arguments more logical. It's clear he's entering toddler-dom at the speed of oh-my-god-slow-down.
As soon as my daughter was born, I felt both heart swells for our new life and heart break for our old. While he won't remember being an only child, I'll always have the quiet-ish early mornings playing hide-and-seek in bed with my one and only nugget. I hope #Gingerbaby still feels like my whole heart even with another poop machine nearby (more on her later). After all, it was him who made me a mama and taught me the true meaning of strength through 21.5 hours of unmedicated labor (trust me, I got the epidural the second time).
Now that we've grown to a family of four (holy shit), and my hormones are leaking out of my eyeballs, I feel all the mama guilt, love, ups and downs of postpartum. Add all the terrible news coverage this week to my hormone sandwich, and I'm an emotional puddle. As an only chid myself, I'm in uncharted territory, so sharing my body, love and energy will be an exciting challenge for all.
Just like the 100 months of pregnancy, I know this too shall pass. There will come a day where I don't remember having less than two kids, and our new norm will be double the fun and a ridiculously expensive trip to Disney. Until then, I will celebrate the next few months of having one immobile noodle baby, one non-stop freight train toddler, and my own ability to move. I'll also sob into this #motherboy love captured in my final week of single-child parenting.
Special thanks to my darling friend, Erin Kirby, for capturing these moments by the Mississippi. I'm lucky to have such talented, creative people in my tribe.